Memo for 2009

Hard as it may be to believe, given that my mother died in 2002, the fact remains that 2008 was pretty much the worst year of my life. I won't go into detail, since this memo is directed at 2009, but take my word for it--2008 was truly dreadful. So I would just like to say this:

Dear 2009,

Do not even think about it.

I see that you are already trying to mess with two of my best friends, and you can just cut it out. I had better not see any further medical issues in anyone's family that matters to me. (N.B. This includes my own family!) No death, no serious injury, no hospitalizations. Oh, and no mental/emotional issues, either.

Mind you, I'm not saying I want to win the lottery or be promoted to president of my company. All I want from you, 2009, is a nice, unassuming little year. Twelve pleasant months. You can even throw in a couple of nuisances; I'm not greedy. I would just like a year during which I do not feel an overwhelming need to curl up in the fetal position and stay in bed for 52 weeks.

Thanks for your kind cooperation in this matter.

Best regards,
Kate

Shoes That *Are* Funny I

How I Met Your Mother.

And the level of excellence is further emphasized when you are forced to watch Tim and Eric's Awesome Show immediately after it.

Typical line from HIMYM: "You can call it a ninja star danger jock if you want. Doesn't make you any less of a cross-dresser." (Barney, upon seeing Marshall in a "night shirt")

Typical line from TaEAS: "I'm not gonna wear my African hat."

Typical line from HIMYM: "Weird meats, funny music, side of rice. Why are we splitting hairs?" (Barney, on why Indian food is the same as Chinese food)

Typical line from TaEAS: [some sort of over-long visual humor surrounding the "C-bund"--a cummerbund to be worn without pants]

Truly, I feel a little ill.

Anniversary.

Seven years, three jobs, five deaths, a house, two children, most of my 30s, and a million little stories.

That is what my mother, who died March 29, 2002, has missed of my life.

I love you, Base.

Easy Questions

"Would you like the boys to sleep over at my house next Saturday?"

This question does not require contemplation on the part of any parents--provided, of course, that the question is posed by a close, trusted friend, and not some weird guy with a raincoat at the mall.

Since this question was asked of us last week (yes, by a close, trusted friend), tonight is the night. And, in fact, it's even a bit better than the original plan, because, "Would you like us to pick up the boys a little early and take them to dinner?" was posed a short while ago. Thus, the children are both out of the house already! For the whole night! Until morning!

On the agenda? Dinner (Parker Ocean Grill) and a movie (I Love You, Man). And last, but by no means least, sleeping in tomorrow morning!

Parenting Olympics

Let's face it. If I'm going to do 30 consecutive blog posts, I'm going to have to start stealing ideas sometime. Might as well do it now and get it over with.

Credit to Shaina for heading my brain down this path. She mentioned that diapering an angry baby should be an Olympic sport, and I wholeheartedly agree. Along those lines, here are some other events that I think should appear in the Parenting Olympics:

100-Yard Potty Dash: Get a newly potty-trained child to the bathroom in the nanosecond between when he realizes he has to go and when he actually starts going. This can either be done on the flat, or over obstacles such as Matchbox cars, Legos, and blocks.

Standing Full-Body Rock (Endurance Marathon): Hold a 20-lb baby and must rock back and forth on their feet until the baby falls asleep. Athletes should expect to spend up to an hour, and if rocking stops prematurely, baby wakes up and clock restarts.

Sleeping Child Carry: Remove a large, sleeping child from a car seat without waking the child. Carry child up flight of stairs and put in bed. As with the 100-Yard Potty Dash, this can be done on the flat or over obstacles.

Dinner Dive and Catch: As toddler throws various food items, dive and catch the items before they reach the floor. Points are deducted for items not caught in the hands (e.g., caught in the hair, caught on the wall, etc.).

Bathtime Baby Hold: Maintain grip on a baby who is sitting in a bathtub full of water and covered in soap. Includes mandatory "dismount" in which athletes must safely remove slippery baby from tub, dry baby, and put diaper on baby before baby pees or poops.

Eye Drop Wrestle: Pin young child to floor and administer two eye drops in each eye. Athletes can compete as singles or pairs.

Got any others? Feel free to contribute additional ideas in comments.

Embarking

Okay...I said I'd do it, so I am going to try. Today marks the first day of the 30-day period during which I will attempt to post something to my blog every day. Strap yourself in and hang on!

So, I always sing to the boys at bedtime. The Elder's favorite song is "It's a Sin to Tell a Lie." I'm guessing that most people have never heard of that (or most of the other songs in my bedtime rotation.) They're pretty much all the songs my mother sang to me when I was little, and those are pretty much all World War I love songs. (Or at least pre-World War II.)

Anyway, I love that "It's a Sin to Tell a Lie" is his favorite, because it was always my favorite--I even sang a duet of it with my mother at my wedding. When I first started singing it, it was emotional and even kind of hard to get through for that reason, but now I just enjoy it. Well, tonight, when I got near then end, The Elder started singing along for the first time, and it was just the sweetest thing ever. I often feel as though he and my mother have some sort of weird bond (even though she died two years before he was born), so to hear him sing her song was powerful stuff.

Lyrics, for your reference:

Be sure it's true when you say, "I love you"
It's a sin to tell a lie
Millions of hearts have been broken
Just because these words were spoken
I love you, yes I do, I love you
If you break my heart, I'll die
So be sure it's true when you say, "I love you"
It's a sin to tell a lie

Cross my heart, and I hope to die
I'll never, never, never tell another white lie
Took a little doll out on a date last night
Next to her, Gravel Gertie would've looked all right
Now I'm between the devil and the deep blue sea
'Cause I said, "Baby, you look good to me"
I told her I loved her, but oh, how I lied
And now she's getting set to be my blushing bride
If she leads me to the altar, then I'm sunk
'Cause I can't tell the preacher I was drunk
So lord have mercy on a no-count sinner
Give me one more chance to let another guy win 'er
Cross my heart, and I hope to die
I'll never, never, never tell another white lie
I'll never tell another white lie

Does he know he's 5?

Tonight, during dinner, the elder child informed us of the following:

"100 minus 155 equals negative 55, because when you subtract a bigger number from a smaller number, the amount that's left over is the negative."

Suggested Topic

At my brother's behest, this blog entry is about his balls.

He seems to think I have nothing to say about his balls. And I suppose it's true that I haven't seen them since he was about 5 years old (so, 30+ years). Still...I could not resist the challenge. So here is my blog entry about my younger sibling's testicles.

As far as I know, he has two. I believe they are located somewhere on his body between his knees and his chest. It is probably safe to say that they are more spherical than cuboid.

And this concludes my discussion of my brother's balls. I am proud to say that this is the sum total of my knowledge of this part of his anatomy.