Brilliant Insight from the Toddler Set

An exchange between my 5-year-old and my 2-year-old today, when Daddy offered the 5-year-old his turn at a game:

John: Will, you can have a second turn.
Will: Thank you.
John: It's because you're my best friend.
Will: Then can I have your candy?

Yes, it is a real sandwich!

Peanut butter and syrup. This is the best sandwich on earth, but it may be unique to my mother's family, because everyone else makes fun of me for it. I Googled it, and got a bunch of hits, but none of them do it right. The wikihow referred to "squeezing" the syrup, which, since you should only ever make this with pure maple syrup (indeed, you should only ever eat pure maple syrup in any syrup context), there can be no squeezing involved.

Here is the correct method:

Get two slices of bread, your choice. I prefer potato bread or white bread. You want a kind of bread that will absorb the syrup, and you don't want one with too much of its own flavor to interfere with the heavenly combination you are about to create.

Spread peanut butter (I prefer Simply Jif--no added sugar--but any creamy variety will do) on one slice.

Wipe your knife clean on the second slice of bread and pour somewhere between a quarter-sized and half dollar-sized amount of syrup onto the second slice. Spread the syrup evenly. You have to work quickly, lest the syrup be absorbed before you can reach every square millimeter of bread.

Put the slices together and cut in half, diagonally. (Note: All spread sandwiches, plus grilled cheese, should be cut diagonally. All cold cut sandwiches should be cut horizontally. Do not question, just do.)

Eat your delicious peanut butter and syrup sandwich, and repeat as necessary. Sometimes, you are so overcome by the deliciousness that you cannot be sated by one mere sandwich, and must have a second. It's okay.

I promise.

Shows That Aren't Funny II

The Drinky Crow Show.

I mean, honestly, does my husband have some secret resource that lists the most dreadful TV shows on earth? And does he get season passes for them just to lower my expectations of him?

About Drinky Crow, I just have two words: conjoined triplets.

Not enough eye bleach in the world.

Strawberry Fields Forever

Have you ever wondered how many strawberries a family of four can pick in about an hour? Well, now I know. The answer is two eight-quart baskets. Still not sure just how many that is? I'll put it this way: They filled two gallon-sized freezer bags and a decently large plastic container. After eating a lot of them plain, making strawberry shortcake (sort of--fake shortcake, real whipped cream), and strawberry bread (three loaves!), the second gallon bag remains untouched, and the first is nowhere near empty.

This may be the shortest-lived blog ever, as I might very well turn into a strawberry by the end of the week.

Shows That Aren't Funny I

The Whitest Kids U' Know.

Can someone explain to me what's funny about this show? Can someone further explain why there's an apostrophe after the "U" when that's precisely where, in the word "you," you don't need an apostrophe??